This is the account of the first 3 chapters from the memoirs of Thomas Halyburton. I am making it available again because it is so in depth with the details of his awakening and very helpful for others going through these deep waters. “By the extremity of this anguish I was for some time, about the close of 1697 and beginning of 1698, dreadfully cast down. I was weary of my life. Often did I use Job’s words: “I loathe it, I would not live alway.” (Job vii. 16.) And yet I was afraid to die. I had no rest; “my sore ran in the night;” and it ceased not in the day. (Ps. lxxvii. 2.) At night I wished for day; and in the day I wished for night. (Deut. xxviii. 66, 67.)
I said, “My couch shall comfort me;” but then darkness was as the “shadow of death.” (Job vii. 13, x. 21.) When I was in this case, I was often brought to the brink of despair: “He filled me with bitterness; he made me drunk with wormwood. He broke all my teeth with gravel-stones; he covered me with ashes.”
(Lam. iii. 15.) He removed my soul far from peace: I forgot prosperity. And I said, My strength and my hope is perished from the Lord; remembering mine affliction, and my misery, the wormwood and the gall.
My soul had them still in remembrance, and was bowed in me. (Lam. iii. 16-20.) Now I was made to think it a wonder that I was not consumed; and though I dreaded destruction from the Almighty, yet I could not but justify him, if he had destroyed me: